Urban Decay just dropped a new version of its cult-favorite basic bitch-endorsed Naked Palette, and it is the reason my rent check was late last month because priorities. The new launch includes 12 warm red-toned shades that I was SURE would make me look hideous but in fact make me look flawless like a very unknown celeb on a good beauty day.
This product is the key to making you look
less hungover at work like you dont drink on days that end in Y. Its a mousse, which I’m always skeptical about because usually when I wear mousse products I look less like an Herbal Essences model and more like I have dandruff. But this stuff is the real deal because it absorbs oil and doesnt leave behind any of that powdery shit. I guess we really can have it all. Plus it gives off Drybar’s signature Blanc scent, so instead of your hair smelling like bars and fuckboys itll smell more like vanilla and cupcakes.
This product might be the best thing to happen to me since Seamless fucked up my order that one time and gave me extra egg rolls. Seriously, that was the gift that kept on giving. Anyway, the Milk Makeup Blur Spray is a setting spray that acts like an Instagram filter in that it makes you look like a better, more airbrushed version of yourself. Furthermore, it gives your complexion a soft-focus finish so no one will be able to see the real you underneath all the makeup. Blessings.
So earlier this month Kim Kardashian West broke the internet with
something other than soft-core porn a super classy nude photo shoot. Shocking, I know. Kimmy launched the KKW contour kits, which I will be buying for a number of reasons but mostly because of the pure shade that went into launching a makeup line thats in direct competition with her youngerand most fame thirstysister. Never change, Kim. Other than being an avid supporter of shade throwers, Ive also always wanted to look like a Kardashian but since the only thing I have on call is the Domino’s guy and not a reputable plastic surgeon I guess Ill have to settle for this shit. Sighs. This product has been sold out since like, the minute it launched but Im sure you could sell a liver on the black market or something in exchange for one. Though, if its a liver, I might be out. Unless they want one that’s been extensively partially used 3-5 days a week for the last six years? Anyways, best of luck to you!
If you, like me, are horrified by your summer body because you a) do not remember what sunlight looks like as its been your personal lifes mission to rewatch all
one million seven seasons of in preparation for the finale or b) have used winter as an excuse to let yourself go in all aspects of the word, then this shit is about to save your life. It looks and smells just like a standard solidified coconut oil, but when you apply it to your skin, it makes you look glowy AF while also hydrating your skin. Similar to my Bumble profile, it will give off the illusion that youre fun and outgoing and actually leave your house to do things outside by giving you super natural-looking tan skin. Tbh theres not much more I can ask for in this life.
Jen Atkin, a coveted member of the Kardashians’ beauty
slaves team, just released this restorative hair product thats about to be an essential part of your summer beach beauty plan. Its silicone-free and includes oils that help multitask, like absinthium oil to help hydrate your hair, rose hip oil to heal scars and redness, and shea oil to moisturize dull, dry hair. Plus it smells like a fucking dream. Seriously, its advertised to smell like you own a yacht which is a literal dream of mine.
^a deleted scene from my dream
Weve talked about this one before, but thats because it
saves lives makes you look less hungover on Mondays. This product just came out in June and like its primer predecessor, its loaded with coconut water and antibiotics to add hydration and nourishment to your dehydrated af complexion. Praise. Plus it smells like a coconut dream, which will come in handy when youre trying to disguise the fact that your downed vodka sodas like water last night and drunk called your ex.
I know this summer is all about the nudeslip color and otherwisebut if youre looking for a pop of color, this product is about to be your go-to. The color itself is your classic red with an orange twist. Tbh if you told me last month that
I Elle Woods would be supportive of an orange-colored beauty product I’d say you were seriously disturbed, but now I’ve changed my stance because this color is actually chic AF. And because its super pigmented you dont have to layer it on for the color payoff, THANK GOD.