Last years avo toast was only a precursor to 2017s parade of culinary weirdness with plates filled with cloud eggs, Yorkshire pudding wraps and a side of unicorn sprinkle

You can tell a lot about a culture by the food that fuels it and in the annals of culinary progress, 2017 has not been an altogether glorious year. If you thought 2016s avo toast was bad, take a look at these horrors.

Charcoal pizza bases, buns, ice-creamsActually, charcoal in anything that isnt a barbecue. Not only does it taste awful, but theres no evidence of any health benefits unless youve already been poisoned, in which case you probably shouldnt be eating pizza. In fact, so effective is charcoal at absorbing chemicals that it can affect prescription medication, too. But hey, if it looks good on Instagram …

Vegetable yoghurts Hotly tipped to be the next big health craze about this time last year, but so far seen only in Waitrose and on the social media accounts of people who probably then fed them to the dog. We can all give thanks that they didnt produce a kale version.

Unicorn food … pastels and sprinkles. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Unicorn food AKA anything dressed in rainbow pastels with a shedload of sprinkles. Its rare I agree with Gordon Ramsay on something these days, but unicorns are meant for childrens tales, not foods. If it looks better than it tastes, step away.

Cloud eggs Standard baked eggs, but for the fact that the whites are whisked up to a meringue-like consistency to give them the appearance of a cloud emoji. Lauded in the press as popular among health nuts due to coming in at just 161 calories, despite the fact that either poached or boiled eggs have slightly fewer and are considerably quicker to make.

Smoothie, Buddha and breakfast bowls Its an inescapable fact that smoothies are more easily drunk from a glass (yes, I said glass, not jam jar and dont even get me started on salads or chia puddings in those) and anything requiring the use of a knife is better served on a plate. Doesnt photograph as well, of course.

Yorkshire pudding wraps A rare homegrown food trend, but that doesnt make it right. Yorkshire puddings are great. Roast dinners are great. They dont deserve to be squashed together in a soggy wrap and eaten on the hoof, let alone made into a bloody burrito.

Raindrop cakes This Japanese delicacy was the ultimate edible example of emperors new clothes, with one reporter claiming: Ive never tasted something that is inherently, well, tasteless. Not even normal water. Yours for a mere 2.30.

Turmeric latte. Photograph: vanillaechoes/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Turmeric lattes That yellow thing youre snapping in your cutely mittened hand has been around for centuries on the Indian subcontinent as haldi doodh, prescribed by mums at the merest hint of a sniffle. It didnt need rebranding by big multinational corporations. On the plus side, the avolatte an avocado latte turned out to be a joke.

Glitter On everything from coffee to crisps and even chickens (probably reduced for a quick sale around about now). Made from sugar and food colouring, this one is likely to continue into the new year, which is yet another reason to hibernate until spring.

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